There are a few reasons why I haven't shared much of Adelaide publicly and especially on the blog. One, I don't want her entire life on display for public viewing-I want to protect my Peanut to a large degree. I've been asking myself how much do I want of her life to have an online footprint? Honestly, the answer is always: not much. Two, I don't want to live my life with her from behind my camera (or phone) lens. I want to experience life WITH her. Mommy's face doesn't resemble a Nikon D800 or a purple iphone case. Yes, I obviously take pictures of her, but if I let my guard down, I could go pretty ridiculously snap happy. Plus, I want to be IN the pictures with her too!

Lastly, and this will be the bulk of this post, has been my health. For whatever reason, I had in my head that I wanted my post-delivery issues wrapped up before I shared the entire journey. I want this saga to end on an uplifting note. We have Adelaide, so it will end that way regardless, but I didn't want to scare anyone until we'd seen some resolution. So, allow me to back up.

*May 28th-after 6 hours of induced labor, deliver the

most gorgeous girl

ever.

*June 2-midwife appointment for extreme abdominal pain. Blood levels checked. No infection. Given an antibiotic just in case. Decide to pump exclusively while "the girls" *ahem* heal.

*July 7 (happy 6th anniversary honey!) lose a scary amount of blood. Freaky.

*July 9-another scary moment lands me in the midwife office again. Blood levels check out-no infection, not anemic.

*July 10-ultrasound shows remnants of conception, referred to an OB.

*July 11-endometrial biopsy without anesthesia (I just about crawled up Gerard's arm during the procedure)-to scrape out remnants and see what it is officially.

*July 12-19-travel to QC for Adelaide to meet Krupke & Brogla family. While there, OB calls to report the biopsy results: necrotic tissue. AKA "road kill"--tissue so dead they could no longer recognize what it once was. Hopefully, he got it all. Hop back on the nursing wagon.

(Gerard's sister, Mimi, husband Adam, son Caden and Grandma Cheryl)

*July 26th-another ultrasound because symptoms haven't lessened. It shows a questionable spot that could be a veinous malformation (AVM) so doing an invasive procedure wouldn't be helpful. Medication prescribed to help the "wound" clot on its own. Breastmilk supply halved as a result. Continue to pump and nurse as able.

*Aug 16-return to work still having symptoms. Maybe meds worked? No need to take them anymore but still feel yucky. I tried to explain it away as the transition to working again and adjusting.

(First day of teacher inservice-Aug. 16th. Laidy was particularly excited as you can tell...)

*Sept 16-see a new OB (closer location) for annual appointment. Still feeling yucky, but no external symptoms.

*Sept 30-external symptoms ramp up again. Ultrasound shows a spot still remains. Schedule a pelvic angiogram to rule out the AVM. If it's an AVM, going in to remove it would only stir up a hornet's nest to the point of a possible hysterectomy. If it's not an AVM, we can go in and get it out. An angiogram shows the path of bloodflow and an AVM would still have blood flowing to it.

*Oct. 8-9-Stomach flu strikes the Babe and she lovingly shares it with Mom & Dad while our upstairs bathroom is torn apart for a renovation. What can I say? Musicians have impeccable timing.

(Our friend, Ben, helped lay the tile and educate Gerard on several necessary steps along the way.)

*Oct 14th-after fasting 12 hours from food and fluids, angiogram shows no AVM. Breast milk supply takes a hit from the fasting and the recovery necessary after the procedure. Hysteroscopy scheduled for Nov. 19th to get out drat spot!

*Oct 28th-scary symptoms again lands me in the OB office for hysteroscopy consult and surgery is moved to Oct. 30th.

*Oct. 30th-after fasting from food and fluids for 12 hours (this is one way to lose the baby weight that I don't recommend!) hysteroscopy shows NO SPOT. Talk about feeling gipped! I wanted to see what that bugger looked like since it'd been a guest in my body for so long. Must've left my body on the 28th. OB complimented me on the beauty of my uterus (one friend stated that this now confirms I'm beautiful inside and out....;) ) Proceed to participate in Begger's Night and stop by just three houses...

(Laidy was a "LaidyBug" while Gerard & I got to just Bee ourselves...)

So, now what? After taking so many hits, we are still pumping at work and nursing/pumping at home. One last medication

should

give me some relief from the symptoms that have plagued me for 5 months. This entire process, I've thought: "I really hate the word "should". I probably will for quite sometime. It sets an expectation that might not work out and sets me up for disappointment.

I've learned not to depend on nor expect my body to perform, but rather keep a flexible hope/expectation that I can fulfill my duties despite how I feel.

 I'm thankful that most people around me have been understanding and flexible right along with me.

Looking back on all this, to wrap it up with a clean bill of health, I have a beautiful uterus, but most importantly, I have a GORGEOUS little girl. And while

I questioned if this was worth it

, I can say without a doubt, she is. Just don't ask me when I will (or God will) subject my body to the possibility of this happening again. For now, we are thoroughly enjoying our Little Laidy and I'm enjoying feeling WELL.

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