I didn't grow up desperately wanting to be a Mommy. My dolls were my students who each had a piece of colored construction paper marking their desk area on the floor of my room. I would read to them, teach them math problems and mostly boss them around.
When Gerard & I were first married, so many newlyweds around us had children right away and I felt guilty for not being ready yet to be a Mom. So guilty, that it began to steal some of the joy of my marriage and enjoying just the two of us.
Fast forward to 2011 and 2012 where some of my friends would not attend church Mother's Day Sunday, knowing there would be child dedications performed, or the message would be, inevitably, about motherhood. While I totally understand the desire to avoid church that day, it doesn't stand out to me as one of the more painful days of the year as it was planned and I knew it was coming. What I remember being most painful is unexpectedly learning of another friend, acquaintance, or family member who was expecting. What was supposed to be joyful news only struck daggers in my heart and I'd have to either feign jubilation or politely excuse myself and leave whatever gathering we were attending. I'd return home and cry in the rocking chair we'd placed in what would eventually be a nursery.
Fast forward yet again to my first Mother's Day, 2013, pregnant with Adelaide where Gerard treated me like a queen-fancy breakfast, fancy dinner on wedding china, roses and finishing up projects that "had to be done by the time our little girl arrived". While the past several Mother's Days have been really sweet and have felt like a second birthday in the year for me, nothing was sweeter than having Adelaide run into the Sunday School room this past weekend, grabbing my leg in a bear hug and with her baby blue eyes looking up at me yell, "Happy Mother's Day Mommy!!!!!!!"
Now, we're finishing up other projects that "have to be done by the time our little boy arrives" and I'm cherishing the time I have remaining where it's just Laidy, Gerard and me. Even our dog, Ella, knows something's up and is by my side constantly. Whether its outside doing yard work or inside relaxing on the couch, she's as close as she can get to me, knowing she's about to be knocked down another notch on the proverbial ladder.
For those that are struggling in this area, hurt in this part of their heart, I can commiserate and am more than happy to listen be of any kind of encouragement I can be to you. But I can also tell you from the other side, it is worth every needle poke, every blood test, every surgery, every tear of frustration, you may have to encounter to hear those sweet words: "Happy Mother's Day".
Meanwhile, we welcome our long awaited Baby Boy to the Third Trimester!